Getting it out!!!!!

There is so much on mind. I don't even know who I'am anymore. I look in the mirror and I don't even reconize the person looking back at me. Who is this man standing before me his eyes are dead and show a sad person. I have left life defeat me and I'm so ashamed. I have so many dreams but too afraid to go after them.Day after day I say Monday I'm going to make a change, but I'm to tired and lazy to fight for that change. I'm so not the same person I was a year ago. I hide from all my friends and loves ones to afraid that they will see this person I have become. Its gotten so bad I don't want to go outside.Sometimes I'm happy the job market is fucked up and I can't keep a job. That way I want have to face other people and connect with the world. I wanted to give up on my blog because I feel like its all in vain just like I have given up on myself, but I'm not going to do it even if I don't ever get anyone to follow my blog I want give up and I'm going to write what I'm feeling and when I do come out of this depression or whole that I'm in. I can look back and see how far Ive come.